Well, then. 165 minutes of madness. That is this movie in a nutshell.
But before I get into specifics, let me just preface this by saying; I’m not a Michael Bay hater. I really enjoyed some of his movies like The Rock and Pain & Gain. I also really like the actors (Mark Walhberg, Stanley Tucci, Kelsey Grammer) that are in the movie.
That being said, this movie is just a mess. It’s basically two completely different movies in one. Mark Wahlberg plays a broke inventor from Texas with his daughter (Nicola Peltz). He’s super protective to the point he basically hates Jack Reynor’s character for most of the movie. But it does lead to good comedic effect, including with Mark Wahlberg’s partner/employee played by TJ Miller (yes, he’s actually in the movie, not that you would know by the trailers. He’s in about 30 minutes of the movie). Jack Reynor has the weirdest accent I’ve ever heard. I can’t tell if it’s fake or what, he is Irish in the movie, but half the time he sounds American or Australian.
The premise picks up when he finds Optimus Prime, injured and in disguise as a really shitty truck. Since the last Transformers, the CIA has secretly been hunting down all transformers because they need the metal they are made of to make their own programmable transformers. This leads to the creation of Galvatron, who is basically Megatron, just not voiced by Hugo Weaving and a lot less menacing looking and pretty unimportant to the plot. Also, we learn in a very vague way, the CIA is working with a Transformer bounty hunter who wants Optimus Prime because his “creators” wants him back.
Basically Wahlberg, his daughter, and her boyfriend go on the run from the CIA for most of the movie. Optimus magically heals himself and group up with the only remaining autobots (apparently even more have come to Earth in the last few years, even though Optimus sent out a distress message saying they were being hunted). But they are pretty badass, one being a Samurai voiced by Ken Watanabe, and one of them being a portly Army-type voiced by John Goodman.
They aim to break into the lab that is building the human-transformers, which is owned by Stanley Tucci. All of this leads to Optimus being captured by the bounty hunter, then being broke free by the Autobots, who steal a ship from a larger ship and for some reason, stay on Earth. And, Mark Wahlberg, who is so protective of his daughter, decides to stay with the Autobots.
This is all in the first half of the movie. It finally really picks up when Stanley Tucci goes to China with all his Transformers, including Galvatron, who takes control of all of them, and searches for a bomb that the bounty hunter gave him in return for Optimus. This is basically the extent of Galvatron’s purpose in the movie, other than a line at the end while he’s hidden in the mountains something along the lines of “this isn’t over, Prime”.
Then we have another hour of the movie with Stanley Tucci running from Decepticons, the Wahlberg family (helping, I guess?) the Autobots battle the Decepticons and also helping Stanley Tucci run away. The CIA is also there trying to kill Stanley Tucci and Mark Wahlberg. but don’t worry, suburban dad Mark Wahlberg is able to kill a CIA Black Ops Agent. Cuz you know, he’s from Texas. And the bounty hunter comes back because he apparently didn’t realize that a fucking ship had been stolen from him.
After 2 hours of this movie, finally Optimus gets the help of the dinobots. Apparently the bounty hunter had them locked away on that stolen ship for millions of years? Yeah and apparently the creators of the Transformers are responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs by bombing the planet with metal bombs like the one Stanley Tucci is carrying around.
The whole movie ends in a climactic battle with Optimus fighting the bounty hunter and of course the Wahlberg family saving him. Also Kelsey Grammer is about to kill Marky Mark when Optimus kills him. This ends with Optimus (apparently he has a fucking jetpack this entire time) taking the bomb and shooting off into space, leaving the rest of the Autobots to “protect” Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch and saying that he needs to find his creators.
All in all, this movie was pretty terrible. It is the only movie I can remember that gave me a headache after I finished watching it. Again, the focus is way too much on the human characters instead of the robots, the villains are unmemorable and very vague. But the action is well shot. There’s good comedic effect, albeit a bit too much. This is basically a three hour long action comedy. If it was an hour shorter, I would’ve been okay. But I can only handle so many closeups of actors standing in awe of what is happening. Although, I’m foolishly optimistic that with Optimus leaving Earth, this will lead to a more Transformer-centric story in TF5.
My final score: 2/5
Professor X’s real super-power: pizza all the time.
photo real of samurai
queensalanderstark said: Can you give some advice for a person who dropped out of college, to follow her dream (I want to be a doctor.) But I failed the test I need to take to get in med school (in Brazil) more than 3 times. And today my Mom said to me that when other people ask her what I'm doing... she feels ashamed to say that i'm still studying to get in college. I mean, I'm still nothing. I'm feeling like shit, but I can't give up, but I have the feeling that no one believes that I'll be in med school someday. :/
Nobody has ever been nothing. We are all equally something and some of us are much luckier than others. I was less lucky than I am now for over a quarter of my life, which is something like three quarters of my adult life - I’m not lucky enough to be good at math - my point is, I’ve felt like “nothing” for more waking hours on this planet than I’ve felt like anything.
I’m as bad at giving advice to others as you are at passing that med school test. But believe me, that’s all that test is measuring: your ability to pass it. It is not measuring the type or quality of doctor you might one day be, and it is certainly not measuring your worth as a person. If this is something you honestly want, I would bet you’re going to end up getting it. Or, at the very least, being totally satisfied that you left no stone unturned.
Your Mom is probably just expressing, in that frequently frustrating Mom way, that she’s worried she’s not being a good Mom. She doesn’t want to see you fail, she doesn’t want you to have a bad life, because she’s measuring her abilities as a Mom by your outcomes, same as you’re measuring yourself by this med test. I’m sure being a Mom is harder than being a doctor but I’m also sure the entrance exam was easier. Moms can’t push a button and stop being Moms just because we’ve decided we’re grown up, and the things they say in an attempt to keep “raising” us can get under our skin. But the biggest favor you can do yourself and your Mom (and everyone else) is to be confident about what you want. To know why you want it. Then you have honesty on your side. Then anyone opposing you is opposing the truth, and that’s a bad side to be on in the long run.
I don’t know you, I don’t know you’ll be a perfect doctor, or a doctor at all. There are realities with which to contend. But because reality is inescapable, it’s important that we make a choice, in our heads, to counterbalance reality with things that defy it. Gravity is a reality, but humans fly. The language we’re exchanging, the fillings in our teeth, the pavement on the road outside, everywhere you look, for better or for worse, you’re going to see evidence that accepting reality is not a human’s tendency, and not what we’re good at, and not, in my speculation, what God or Natural Selection hired us to do. We’ve been hired, by this universe, to dream, to aspire, to make things that weren’t real real - and because that involves a lot of failure, we’re damn good at doing that, too.
Without the benefit of details, I say stay the course. I say keep failing. Fall flat on your face, feel every scrape, roll in the dirt and scream in frustration. Tell your mother you love her but the fact is, she either raised a doctor or she raised a girl that’s going to fail, spectacularly, at it, and in either case, she’s done her part. Go fail that test a fourth time. And get it on the fifth. Or sixth. Push this thing to the absolute limit, make them create a new law against your level of desire, make them arrest you for wanting to be a doctor, and when they let you out, run to fail the test again, so that when you’re slipping away from this reality, which could happen at any time, you’re not spending your last moments thinking anything but “well, I did my best.” Also, watch Rick and Morty on Adult Swim in December.
A Lonely God - a series of slightly sad superhero posters.
I’m in love with this
I was just talking to an artist yesterday about the tendency to crop things really close and tight in order to enhance drama. If it’s overdone — which happens frequently with artists—you start to feel like you’re watching a movie through a hole in a sheet.
Pull the camera out. Be brave enough to let the reader orient.
Occasionally, in the right moment, pull the camera way, way out even. How does that effect the emotional beat?
This is awesome. Batman is the most saddening image.
New, Improved Google Maps Lets User Launch Missile At Any Location On Globe | Full Report
This guy looks 100% like Brock from Pokemon.
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